I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
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