oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i dont even know how to be here
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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