There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she looked like the before picture.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
