my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
