Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
