Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
