You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
