Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
