did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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