I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize