Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
