Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
