You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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