there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
