why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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