I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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