forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Can Purell be used as lube?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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