I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize