I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
