She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
