Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Someone shattered a urinal.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
