thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
