this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
