I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
