Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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