My room smells like vodka and shame
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
