So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
