ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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