Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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