ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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