Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
