Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
