You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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