It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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