there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
