I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
