I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
fuck your aforementioned shoe
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize