we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
