he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
