i love accidental penises.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't deserve a penis
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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