I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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