I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
