At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
