Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
