I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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