i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
