Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
