Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
