I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
A+ Viking dick
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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