Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
