In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
