yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Drunk walkin through police station. America
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
