Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
