I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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