youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
