I got chris browned last night
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
