I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize