i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
