An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
