ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You need Xanax blowdarts
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
