it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
