if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My penis needs a shock collar
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
