He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
