Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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