I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
