Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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