Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize