Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
