I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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