My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
