i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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