OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
