in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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