i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
did i walk over a car last night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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