I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
