im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
