I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize