he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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