....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
so much tequila, so little girl.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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