Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
