Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
