the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
