dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
