i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
