I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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