Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
