So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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