ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
