the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
